A Glimpse Inside My Mind

Lovely Memories Part 10-- Keep You

2010-06-09T11:09:00.000-07:00

sorry for the delay. blogger wasnt working for a few days :(
happy late birthday to my beautiful soul sister, stephanie!! love you girl!

Friday, June 5, 2009
this would have to be the last day i really remember of my summer. besides my birthday and a few days here and there. it was also the last entry in my journal thing that i kept through this whole time. this is part of it "Anywho, after the game me, ryan, and dad all went over to watch a T-ball game that was going on after Alex's game. So he comes up beside me. I turn and every nerve, every feeling, every thought dropped out of my body. As I smiled at him, there he was looking at me, standing there next to me in a baseball uniform with the sun shining on him. Once I told him that a baseball dimond was the second most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on. He asked what the first is. I told him you'll find the answer if you go look at the brown eyes looking back at you in the mirror." and that was it. that was all that i wrote. i would put lyrics at the end of my entries, so the lyrics i had there will be the ones at the end of this blog. that not only was the last day i really remember, it was also the last day he really talked to me over the summer. the most heartbreaking time that he didnt talk to me, was on my birthday.

this is my last Lovely Memories blog for this part of my life. it has been nice to go back and share the highest part (and the lowest) with anyone who read these.

love fearlessly
ashley
"You get used to the pain and numb to the sting till you can't feel anything"
Keep You~Sugarland

Lovely Memories Part 9-- The End

2010-05-21T21:10:00.000-07:00

Thursday, May 21, 2009
there was a bowling trip planned for our yearly changing version of "Old Fashioned Days" (like seriously, what is old fashioned about bowling?). i was in a group with mitch and stephanie, also (i think) craig and jacob. i had a good time and we messed around a little and failed epically. alex practically ignored me. we got to the bus and i was refusing to sit anywhere but next to him. one of my friends (anna, thank God for her) had to kick another one of my female friends out of the seat next to him. i had the aisle seat, but it made no difference. he talked over me and said barely 3 words to me the whole ride to the school.
it got worse at school. not only was he ignoring me but he was questioned as to why me and him were still dating. i could have broken down and started crying there at school, but i didnt. all i wanted was to go home and wait for that dreaded moment to come where he would break up with me. i knew it was coming. i knew it was coming a day ago, but i didnt want to accept it. how could i? after all i loved him and didnt want to think bad of him, but this was too much.
i walked home, as usual, and saw him and his friend walking to his house. i knew that that was the last time i would see him as his girlfriend so i whispered under my breath "i love you, alex". he was way out of earshot, he was like a block and a half away from me. but the idea of saying it made me feel better, yet sad because i never got to say it to his face. i got home and went straigt upstairs to the computer. there as i was sitting the clock changed to the dreaded minute and my phone vibrated
3:06 P.M.
i was sitting on my bed. i didnt anticipate feeling this bad. i felt as though it was my fault. the first two people i texted: austin (d) and steph. minutes later i get a text from mitch. i walked downstairs and not a word came out of my mouth before my mom had me in her arms. katie and kelsey came over a soon as possible (katie almost got stung by a wasp while going to a slide backwards). there were so many things were going through my head: why did he do this? why a text message? was he kidding? was this my fault? what could i do to fix this? nothing. i could do nothing. all i could do is wait, and to this day i am still waiting...

"once upon a time i believe it was a tuesday when i caught your eye, we caught on to something i hold onto the night you looked me in the eyes and told me you loved me..."
Forever & Always~Taylor Swift

Lovely Memories Part 8-- Three Little Words

2010-04-21T17:31:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, April 21, 2009
i remember being drawn to sad books that always seemed to end in a tragical death of some sort. i didnt plan this, they just looked good. i was reading "I Am Fifteen- And I Don't Want To Die" bye Christine Arnothy. It was a very good and interesting book, just the few chapters brought on the water works. so what this girl with her baby got bombed while going across the Danube whom the main character had spent months on end trapped inside one small room with? well during the last chapters of this book, you can only guess who i was texting. :) i told him about the book and what was going on and that i was crying my eyes out while reading it. it was always around the same time we would stop texting and go to sleep. so we didnt get off schedule tonight. we said goodnight at the regular time. well, i say night and i get back "I love you..." and i had no hesitation with sending "i love you too". it was true. i did love him. how he felt really was up to him. at that moment in time i was happy. everything was perfect. little did i know that a month from that day i would be the most heart broken person that ever existed...

love
ashley
"its scary buisness. your heart and soul is on the line. but baby why else would i be standing 'round here so tongued tied?"
I'm In~Keith Urban

Lovely Memories Part 7-- Guys and their car movies...

2010-04-09T19:21:00.000-07:00

April 6, 2009
on this day (sorry for the lateness, i forgot about this day) me and alex went to the movies. but it wasnt just the two of us, brennen (my cousin, kinda) went with us as well. we saw "fast and furious" and quite honestly, it wasnt what i would have chosen. but it didnt matter. it was a chance to see him. nothing abnormal really happened. nothing exciting. but it is a day on the calender. but we did miss the whole plot of the movie because they decided that they needed a drink from the consessions... wonderful, right?

i recently deleted my blog post "the line" so if you were wondering, it didnt just disappear off the face of the earth.

love,
ashley

"i just need somebody to love i i dont need to much just somebody to love i just need somebody to love i promise girl i swear i just need somebody to love"
Somebody To Love~Justin Bieber

Lovely Memories Part 6-- A First

2010-03-15T21:05:00.000-07:00

Sunday, March 15, 2009
at that point in time we had gone to the family fun night was were planing go to the movies right afterwards on friday. BUT we felt too rushed. so we decided to go that sunday. we picked a movie and went to the theater. we saw "Race to Witch Mountain" which was a excelent movie. we waited in the lobby place for his mom to pick us up and the song "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey came on and he started singing it. it still brings a smile to my face. we went and got ice cream and he dropped me off at home.

it doesnt seem like much, but some of the best things in life are the ones that no one understands. it is the simple things that make up a lifetime. our lives are made up of little things here and there. they seem so big, but when you break them down, they are just simple pleasures. but just because those things are small doesnt mean they are insignificant. in my opinion, the small things have the most significance. most things that i find funny or make me smile on my past, are things that no one really would understand unless they are me. little amusing things that make me happy. that is what my life is made up of. everyone is different though. what i think it the best, may not be what someone else likes. i remember my 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Wise, said "opinions are like noses. everyone has one." she was one of my favorite teachers. she inspired me to achieve everything and anything. anyway, she is right. your opinion is as good as anothers, whether it seems like it or not.

just a random fyi, this is my first blog that i have written while having a boyfriend :)
i would love to write more, and i plan on it tomorrow, but i must get off of the computer for tonight.
love so much,
ashley
"shes got a boyfriend and ive got a rockband, cuz nothing really ever goes the ways its planned. and shes in ohio and im on some backroad headed to the city and then who knows cuz thats all she wrote, i wish that i could turn this car around. but shes got a boyfriend now"
She's Got A Boyfriend Now~Boys Like Girls

Lovely Memories Part 5-- The 9 Days Are Up

2010-02-26T19:00:00.001-08:00

Thursday February 26, 2009
such a long 9 days. endless and torturing, but loving the torture as it comes. countless times i had been told by him that there was no one else, right now. he even said that there was no competition. it was 8th grade night (which this year was on the 24th) for volleyball. we had talked all through the 8th grade game. and afterwards, it seemed as though he wanted to talk to me. i looked over it. i got home and we started texting as usual. then i get a text that says "can i call you?" he never called me. never. i replied with a simple of course. i immediately got onto AIM and started messaging with steph. then i turned my phone off of vibrate so i could hear his ringtone. once it started playing, everything in me dropped. i answered with the usual hey. he replied with a whats up. i obviously said nothing because i didnt wanna wait any longer. then he popped the question "will you go out with me." i smiled to my self and said yes. he asked "are you sure?" what does he mean am i sure? i had never been so sure about anything in my life. ever! i would give anything for him. he. was. my. life. i laughed a weak laugh and again replied with a yes. we said very few words after that and few seconds later said our goodbyes and hung up. i said to stephanie "I HAVE MY FIRST BOYFRIEND!!" on AIM. few minutes later, he got on. we talked for a bit, then me steph and him got onto a chatroom. i loved it when me and him were on and steph greeted us by saying "hey love birds :)" to this day it makes me smile. we talked and talked and talked and talked. then after we got off we texted and texted and texted and texted. he changed his signature so he was counting down until graduation, because he knew it bothered me. he asked about holding hands, if i minded it. he asked if i have had my first kiss. it all completed my world. my small, perfect, needs-easily-met world. it took him 9 days to ask me out. 9 days of texting. 9 perfect days.

wow, finally into the fun stage of my life:)
i love you all,
ashley
"my wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to, your dreams stay big, your worries stay small, you never need to carry more than you can hold. and while youre out there gettin where youre gettin to i hope you know somebody loves you and wants the same things too, yeah this is my wish"
My Wish~ Rascal Flatts
yes this was his ringtone:)

A Little Bit of Everything...

2010-02-21T19:25:00.000-08:00

disappointment:
everyone gets disappointed at some point in their life. just yesterday i faced a horrible disappointment. yet, i know, that somewhere down the road it wont make a difference. but at the same time this made my efforts seem like they are worth nothing. everything i have done to work towards this goal was flushed down the toilet. that one moment in my life made everything so much more difficult. because of this, i will have to work just that much harder to get where i wanna be. and where i want to be is having a published book. i just wish everyone hadnt of been that sure in me...

everything else:

love is free. it has no boundaries. there are no rules, no regulations, because that would make it more like a game. and love is not a game. love is humbling. it brings everyone down to the same level. love isnt always built strong. sometimes it is weak and will tumble down at the smallest touch. some people dont know how to handle love. they feel it, but dont know what to do with it. some people fear it. they shy away from falling in love. but those who understand love, and what it does to people, can reach a new level of happiness. you can be so high up, that no one will even try to bring you down. you can love in any circumstance. you dont plan to fall in love. it just happens. and it can happen at any time, anyplace, with anyone. love in unpredictable. it's, well, love.

it will all fall into place when God wishes it to. my story has already been written, and the Author didn't need an editor.

people say that fate isnt in the Word of God. then what would you call the future according to God's will? i call it fate. because that, in my book, is the meaning of fate.

before you turn your head away from love, remember that while you are uncaring, someone is still loving you for who you are. no matter what choice you make

dont be afraid to fall in love. it is a beautiful, powerful, blissful thing. it only hurts if you let it. this is coming from the mouth of a girl who has been in love, then got hurt from love, and is again in love. :)

perfection is an opinion. friendship is a choice. love is given, whether you want it or not.

believe what you wish, but i believe in you

some things are better in black and white.

before you go to sleep tonight think about me. just for a second. because seconds can turn into minutes really quickly. just like a crush can turn into a love in no time at all.

if life gives you lemons, but you dont want lemonade, you keep searching until you find what quenches your thirst.

friendship is love that will never go away. friends are the people you can share that unique love with. you are lucky to have one friend like that. i have many.

falling in love isnt a choice. it is a right.

this one is from a book called "Cheater" im writing "How beautiful it is when everything works just as it is supposed to. Everyone can be at peace with each other. We all live in one world together, so let’s share it. Most of us come into this world with nothing to our name. We have our life to prove ourselves. Your story begins now. It’s up to you to make it worth reading. So, make it a best seller. Get yourself to the top. We don’t choose to be famous, but we do choose to be great."

"What is life without a little risk? Live to learn and learn to live. Have fun, and take a chance. Learn to dance in the rain. Find your own way out..." again from "Cheater"

thanks for reading
love with everything,
ashley
"im in pieces baby fix me and just shake me till you wake me from this bad dream"
Baby~Justin Bieber
p.s. "New Moon" comes out tomorrow!!

Music: How It Makes Us Feel

2010-02-20T20:38:00.000-08:00

music is what gives the world color. life has color with music. without it, everything would be black and white. it makes life beautiful and understandable. when i dont "get" what is going on, i find a song that fits the situation. music isnt just something that fills space in time, it fills an empty space inside me. all of the gaps and spaces and cuts inside of me, specifically my heart, are slowly being filled with music. it is healing me. like a new concrete rode. i will be a new concrete road. i will be fresh and new. it isnt permanent, of course. it will get worn and torn, like the last "road" did. but then it will be time for reconstruction.

but music isnt all healing.

music holds memories. music holds memories better then your own memory does. a certain song can bring back a time that had been lost. new music will hold things that are happening now. the feelings that you have now, are being held by music. thats another thing; music holds feelings as well. when you hear a certain song that you used to be obsessed with, you get the feeling that you did then, now.

some people just dont get it.

and i dont get them. i literally cannot live without music. not everyone feels the music like i do. it gets inside of me and spreads like a disease. its only contagious if you let it in. you can see it in someones face if they get it. if they understand music the way you do. i feel bad for those who dont understand the feelings that it can give you. it is the best thing in the world to loose yourself in a song. you loose yourself when it all fits, music, lyrics, beat, all of it. it is like a poem. a beautiful creation.

live music is the best

you dont look at a song or a person the same after you heard them in concert. you feel it differently. you look at them differently. the people who dont enjoy concerts are the people who dont feel the music. it isnt something you can learn or teach someone. you cant teach someone to feel and understand the beauty of music. it is like writing. you cant teach someone to make the words flow like silky soft water flowing through a stream. (that rolls off your tongue. just say the last sentence to yourself)

i wrote this a while back, but it fits
Music is who I am, without music I don't know what I'd do in my free time. You can express so much through music and it can comfort you when no one else can. Music is always there for you like an imaginary friend. Music is love, joy, hate, friendship. Music is life.

on the back of my ipod (its yellow!) i have engraved "where words fail, music speaks." it is the truth. when life throws things at you that are hard to embrace, you can find a song for that occasion. when you cannot describe how you feel about someone, i can grantee you there is at least one song out there that says exactly what you feel. that is what i love about artists. they have the privilege of spreading music, and they have been through what we have been, or are now, going through. so they have written about it, and it helps us embrace our situation.

alright. it is 11:00 here and im tired. church tomorrow to go and learn more about the God that love us so much to put talented people on this earth to make music:)

love so so much,
ashley
"tell me, did you fall for a shooting star? one without a permanent scar and then you missed me while you were looking for yourself out there"
Drops of Jupiter~ Train

Lovely Memories Part 4-- Before the Rest of My Life

2010-02-17T19:40:00.000-08:00

this is truly before the rest of my life. this blog will take you back to 9:52 P.M. Tuesday, February 17, 2009...

i was sitting doing my launguage homework at the kitchen table. my math book and phone were both to my right. i was coloring the second tree on the page, in a circle movement with a green erasable colored pencil. my phone vibrated. i thought nothing of it. i thought that it must have been one of my friends or a foreward or something. it wasnt. it was a text message that said "Hey. U up?". that was normal. then i looked at who it was from. it said "Alex". i started shaking madly. ran into the other room to show my dad. he didnt give me the right reaction. but my mom was taking a nap before work. so i couldnt show her. i kept coloring. the trees were deformed though. i sent back a simple "yes." and he asked if i knew who it was. i said i think so. who is it. he said to guess. so, of course, i guessed him. he asked how i knew. i said i got his number. i never told him that i got it from steph who got it from emily, his sister. i never asked how he got my number either. if it wasnt for steph, this wouldnt have been as magical. we kept texting for a while. when my mom woke up i told her about it. she gave the correct reaction. then he asked "who do you like?" i said i would tell him if he told me. we got into a little arguement as to who would tell first. finally i get back "you." i was like no no you tell me first. then i get back again "no no no. i mean i like you." i was tongue-tied. simple as that. i said that i liked him too.

it was simple but beautiful. a year ago from today and i remember it like it just happened

i love you so much
ashley
"the possibility that you could ever feel the same way is too much just too much."
Crush~David Archuleta
i cant even listen to that song anymore it brings too much pain

I Got Inspired... Love...

2010-02-16T18:51:00.000-08:00

just a little prayer...
God, Lord my Savior in Heaven above, i am in want, i am in need, of the love that You give me. the love that only You can provide. that is the love that keeps me breathing. this is the love that me, and everyone else, needs to survive. an everlasting love. a love that does not anger. without this love, we ourselves cannot love. love has no meaning without You. with all that i have left, i need that love, and i would beg for it, but i already have it... amen

:)
love is everything that anyone would ever need. yet love means nothing without God. His love is unconditional. His love is pure, beautiful. so sprouting off of that love, is our own love. our own love can replicate His. but we cannot have love unless we accept God's love first. it's like saying "give 110%". you cant give what you dont have. if you dont have the TRUE love, God's love, then we cannot love. God is the soul of love. so, to all of those people who think that they cant love at a young age, maybe its because of where your heart lies. i KNOW that i can love, because i first have been given love. not only love from God, but love from the people around me, my family and friends. what is love without love? it is nothing. it is empty. it has no meaning. no soul, no purpose. it cannot exist.

"dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. this is how God showed his love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. this is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. no one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us....
"God is love. whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. in this way love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. there is no fear in love. but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. the one who fears is not made perfect in love.
"we love because He first loved us."
1 John 4:7-12 4:16-19

i absolutely love this whole book of 1 John. it is most likely because i love reading, learning, teaching, and writing about love. 1 John is the book of love. it is the book of our love for others and most importantly God's love for us. my favorite:"but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment" it is true, some love does have hurt and pain, but that is not perfect love. perfect love comes from God, so it is without pain.

another subject? fate.

some people do not believe in fate, whatever their reason is. but to believe in God is to believe in fate. you cant have one foot out the door on your beliefs. you either believe or you dont. anyway, fate is just another (an easier more disguised) word for God's plan for you. our story is already written, we are the editors though. we have the power of free will. God gave us that so that we can have the joy in believing in him. fate is where we are going. there is so much i could do to help a couple situations move froward. but im not going to because if it meant to be, it will happen. that's it. if it is God's will then it will happen.

here is something that i wrote...

we all have messed up lives. some more than others. we all love. some stronger than others. when that love fails, everything else does. our world comes crumbling down around us. the deeper the love, the more pain we have. the faster you fall the more it hurts. remember that there is always someone to talk to. when heartbreak ensues, fate is just working through a rough spot. everything happens for a reason, i believe. we may never know what that reason is, but these trials are only making us mentally stronger. we will come out a better than we were before. we learn new lessons and put them to good use. lessons that will travel with us for years to come. it is normal to feel pain caused by heartbreak. whatever happens, happens and whatever is meant to be, will happen. fate will unfold. life will move on. and love will find a way.

wow. i think i got all that out :) sorry about the length.
i love you more than you could know, yes real love,
ashley
"love doesn't come with a contract. you give me this, i give you that. it's scary business your heart and soul is on the line. baby why else would i be standin' 'round here so tongue-tied"
I'm In~Keith Urban

Lovely Memories Part 3--

2010-02-12T20:57:00.000-08:00

February 12, 2009
this was the turning point. this was when i decided that he did like me. over the school year i had been on what we called the Lincoln Bicentennial group. we were a special group for abraham lincoln's 200th birthday. we would meet once a week and plan different activities, once it got close to feb 12th then things started to get busy. we were planning a whole day just for lincoln. we got to school early made hats and set up a mini museum. it was exciting but the only time i really got to talk to alex was at lunch. we had it planned that there was going to be a huge cake so that everyone in the school could get a piece, and it would be a birthday cake. we sang happy birthday to abe and enjoyed our share of the cake. the members of the bicentennial secretly had two :) after the day was over, we would have a volleyball game. i was walking by alex to scholastic bowl practice and i asked if he was going to the game tonight. he asked if i was on the team, i said that i was. he said then most likely, he would. i realized then that everyone was right. i just hadnt seen it before, but he did like me. whether he knew it or not, whether it was a big part or a small part, it didnt matter. he liked me!

i feel accomplished! two blogs in one day!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABE!!!!

with love,
ashley

"it hard to make conversation when he's taken my breath away i should say hey by the way youre beautiful every little piece love and dont you know youre really gonna be someone ask anyone and when you find everything you looked for i hope your life leads you back to my door oh but if it dont say beautiful"
Stay Beautiful~Taylor Swift

Lovely Memories Part 2-- An Open Ally

2010-02-12T11:31:00.000-08:00

sorry i didnt put a blog up. i kinda got preoccupied <3

anyway...
February 11, 2009
we were going bowling with the 8th grade class. it felt like a normal day, nothing special, except for the fact that we got out of school for most of the day. it was like a normal field trip, we had troubles fitting every person on the bus, were exceptionally loud on the way there, then had trouble getting off of the bus and into the building. nothing abnormal. i remember that kelsey, steph, and turner were in a group with me. i dont remember anyone else. well, as anyone would know, i cannot bowl to save my life. so we had bumpers up. well the second game we promised turner we would bowl without. so most of the time, i failed. the whole time i had been watching alex. he seemed pretty amazing at bowling. so i whispered to steph 'wouldnt it be amazing if alex would bowl for me?' she suggested her going over and asking him to, but i objected. next thing i knew kelsey and steph disappeared. i thought nothing of it. then i just got done with my turn and alex walkes over with steph and kels by his side. steph explained that he was here to bowl for me. i gave her a disapproving look. but what could i say? i was happy she did it. he did bowl for me. we learned to over use the word "fail". and we/he ended up with an 86. better then i did with bumpers. next i watched him own some people at air hockey. suddenly he said 'ashley go play' i was shocked. you could tell he let me win because honestly im not that good at air hockey either. but that didnt seem to matter.

yesterday we went bowling as well. and the bowling trip wasnt as eventful as last year, but the day as a whole was. i will post a blog tonight looking back on Abe's birthday last year!

love forever,
ashley

"wouldnt it be nice to always have one foot out the door? to never give your all into a commitment. you cant live your whole life afraid to fall, so baby fall fall fall with me"
just random lyrics by me, no song in particular. :)

A Different Kind of Blog

2010-01-29T18:11:00.000-08:00

this is different. it is a page full of random, or not so random, things that i have written. i posted it as a blog also on my profile on myspace

we all have our past and we all have our future, but when that gets in the way of today, learn to let go. dont let your past or someone else's past get in the way of your happiness or peace...

yes, i am crazy, thanks for asking. i am crazy for not being afraid of who i am and where i am going. i am crazy for believing in love at age 13. i am crazy for being me. i am crazy for believing in myself. i am crazy for liking you. i am crazy for being ready to forgive you at a moments notice. i am crazy for being a writer...

i write because it is where i can escape. i can dream a new dream. i can create my own perfect world, a place where i can have what i dont have everywhere else. i can dream of love. the true love that only certain people could understand as a young teenager. i know it exists within me. otherwise would i be able to write about it? dont think that you cant be in love NOW, because you can. it isnt as though you hit a certain age then you fall in love. i depends on the person. i KNOW what love is...

i think way to much. i can blame this only on my author mind. thinking too much hurts. it hurts because then no one understands the way you think. my paper and pencil or my computer and its keyboard are the only things that understand the way i think...

i have changed, anyone can see that. but i'm still ashley. i'm still the crazy girl who gets lost whenever i see someone with brown eyes. yes, brown eyes. they are beautiful because they are simple. they dont have hidden colours or depth, they are just brown. beautiful and perfect just the same...

i am with him always. i am the wind that blows on his face. i am the grass he walks on. i am the snow that sends a shiver down his spine. i am the people he talks to and the people he passes in the hallways. i am the thunder and lightning. i am the bright morning sun. i am the stars. i am the moon. yes, the moon most of all...

**i spelt colours like the british way. it seems to flow more, so i use it :)

ive told you this a thousand times and i plan to tell you more,
i love you all,
ashley

"see this heart wont settle down like a child running scared from a clown im terrified of what you do my stomach screams just when i look at you run far away so i can breathe even though youre far from suffocating me i cant set my hopes too high cuz every hello ends with a goodbye"
Catch Me~Demi Lovato

A Car

2010-01-24T19:04:00.000-08:00

i was thinking about this on the way to my brothers basketball game:

have you ever looked at a car as your choices in life? you sit in the drivers seat of the car, you are in control of your life. you choose which path you will take and when you will take it. the windows and mirrors are the biggest part. if you look straight ahead out that window then you cant see what is currently beside you. in other words, you are only looking at the future and you dont look at what is happening right now in your life. the side windows is where you can see what is going on right now as you drive. you can still see a little bit of what is ahead. that is what you should live by. you should be conscious as to what will happen in the future but you still look at what is going on around you. the side mirrors let you see what is behind you. you are looking at what you have left behind, you are hanging on to your past. a good point is, is that they put the side mirrors by the side windows. while enjoying what is going on now and looking a little ahead, you can still see your past. you dont have to fully let go of the memories.

these are the things i think of in the car. this is a short and sweet blog, i dont have many of those :)

love fearlessly
ashley
"while youre deep in a dream im awake and thinking of what we could have been could i have done something better and made some changes but objects in the rear view mirror are closer then they seem theres no use grasping when things are out of reach"
Goodnight My Love~Honor Society

Lovely Memories Part 1-- Once Upon A Time...

2010-01-20T18:39:00.000-08:00

this may sound like a fairy tale, and at the time it was, but it all ended in heartache. bad bad bad heartache...

exactly one year ago everything kicked off. at that time i had liked alex for about six months and i knew that there was no turning back. there had been times where i would spend time with him before, but never like this. this was the first time i ever suspected him to even like me a little.

this is how the story goes...
january 20th 2009 was also the day of president obama's inauguration. some of the lower grades (k-4) and all of the upper grades (5-8) was to get together in our library and watch it on a big projector screen. as usual we were the second to last class to enter, right after 8th grade. because we were late the small area in front of the off-white projector screen was full. so i peeked on the other side of a bookshelf that was separating the space and it had tons of room to see the projector. so i walked over to the edge of the area to allow more space for any other classes that decided to show up. i approached the edge of the bookshelf and there was alex, wearing his red basketball shirt, blue jeans, and his very very white sneakers, leaning up against the shelf. my beautiful friends steph and kelsey followed me to the open space and i looked over at them and smiled.
over that time (dont remember when, or how) we all ended up sitting on the floor. i payed some attention to the ceremony but it was hard to concentrate with the boy i like sitting next to me. he seemed nervous, playing with his hair, fixing his shirt or jeans. and every once and a while i would catch his deep brown eyes jutting to discreetly look at me. i thought at the time that i was imagining it. he also did little silent things that he knew would catch my attention, he kept me smiling the whole time...

it is small and very un-detailed but that is the best my memory and journal could produce. i started journal-ing sometime in 2007 left it off right before summer then picked it up in fall 2008. i recorded my adventure with love and im so glad i did. (hmm a good book title "Adventure With Love") without this wonderful valuable journal, "Lovely Memories" wouldn't be able to excist.

next "Lovely Memories" post will be on February 11th. (thats where my book starts off ;) ) it seems like a long time but im trying to hit up on the main points. i hope to post a bit in between that time, not lovely memories related.
at the end of each journal i would leave a quote or song lyrics. that days were "Can't take my eyes off of you. I know you feel the same way too. All it took was one look for a dream come true." Can't take my eyes off of you~high school musical

tomorrow we have 8th grade night for basketball, which means two things: one (good) doing a dance that we worked so hard to complete. and two (baaad) going in front of people when they announce you as an 8th grader and you have to GO OUT IN FRONT OF PEOPLE with your crying mom. i hate going out in front of people ;)

love, love, love
ashley

"do you ever think when we're all alone all that we can be where this thing can go? am i crazy or falling in love? is this real or just another crush? do you catch a breath when i look at you? are you holding back like the way i do? cuz im trying and trying to walk away but i know this crush aint going away"
Crush~David Archuleta
ps sorry if i got the lyrics wrong, i cant listen to the song because it brings back the pain. and im too lazy to look them up ;)

Lovely Memories

2010-01-16T09:23:00.000-08:00

ive decided to recollect on the lovely memories of my past. i was thinking that it would be a good idea to share my experience with you. so ive come up with the idea of a blog series, if thats what you would call it. as you all know i had a wonderful experience last year that dealt with one certain boy. im glad that i wrote all of this down as it was happening. it seems strange to think that it has almost been a year since the first event. its almost scary. i feel bad for letting all that time pass. i let my summer go by without notice. i like this quote from "New Moon" by Stephanie Meyer. the book not the movie "time passes. even when it seems impossible. even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. it passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. even for me." the more i think about it the more i feel like bella in new moon. i went into my own version of numbness, letting life go on without me. i was just there. i got into a rut and didnt want to come out. i didnt feel the pain because i protected myself from it.

i will post a blog on each day of an event. first blog in the series will be posted January 20th. i had such a memorial experience that i want to share how i felt and how i feel now. plus this will help me to go back and remember what i felt.

love
ashley
"throw it away forget yesterday we'll make the great escape we wont hear a word they say they dont know us anyway watch it burn let it die cuz we are finally free tonight"
The Great Escape~Boys Like Girls

Young Love

2010-01-02T18:56:00.000-08:00

apparently people dont think the way i do, and apparently people dont see things the same way i do.

ive been reading the same surveys on myspace for a while, just different people answering the questions. one thing ive been almost upset about is that most people answer the question "do you believe in love?" saying that they do but not at age 12 or 13. i believe that if its love, then its love. it doesnt matter what age you fall in love. its not like once you hit a certain age thats when you fall in love. you can fall in love at anytime because love is the foundation of life. without love you would be nowhere. at first it is just love from your family and friends. God put someone out in this world that will love you forever and is the one that you wont have to worry about loosing. it doesnt matter when we find that person. 13 or 30 its still love. and even if it isnt the one you are supposed to be with it can still be love. just not the most powerfull love that you would feel.

Lyrics :) (they dont relate to this subject i just like them)
"the mirror can lie it doesnt show you whats inside. it can tell you youre full of life. its amazing what you can hide just by putting on a smile" Believe In Me~Demi Lovato

another thing:
so many people would change things about them or their surroundings. well think about the life you have. would you want it any other way? if you change your past or anything that is going on then you change yourself. everything that is going in on your life right now is forming you for tomorrow. everything that has happened (good and bad) had made you who you are. also God made it all happen. would you want your destiny placed by God to change?

love you lovelys
ashleyy:)
"when the sky is darkest you can see the stars and when you fall the hardest, you find how strong you are close your eyes, rest a while,its been a long long day. so come on baby baby have a little faith"
Faith~Jordin Sparks

Ugly

2009-12-29T10:41:00.000-08:00

how many people can truly make you feel beautiful? for me anyone could. but there is one person who can make me feel more beautiful then anyone. sad part is, he doesnt even have to try. i wrote this song last night. this one might go towards project beautiful

Ugly

I count the days 'till i get to see your face again

I shouldn't love you because of who you are

In my mind I know its wrong but my heart tells me its right

Chorus- And I feel a strange connection everytime you look in my direction

You make me feel so beautiful

But without you in the room I feel so ugly

Most of the time our hearts are apart

But I dream about you all of the time

It's you that reminds me that there is a world out there full of reality

And I have a life to live

But I prefer my fantisy

Chorus- And I feel a strange connection everytime you look in my direction

You make me feel so beautiful

But without you in the room I feel so ugly

You're a quiet boy with talents and good looks

You're bound to get yourself somewhere in life

Will you look back for me?

Chorus- And I feel a strange connection everytime you look in my direction

You make me feel so beautiful

But without you in the room I feel so ugly

i really put my heart into this song. love isnt a game. when you date someone, date them because you like them. in the end the person who took the right path will win. the right path may be the painful path but it is worth it. in the end.

sincerly love

ashley

"youre so hypmotizing youve got me laughing while i sing youve got me smiling in my sleep and i can see this unraveling youre love is where im falling but please dont catch me"

p.s. on your mind i dont linger long. i wont say your name.

Christmas and Project Beautiful

2009-12-28T21:35:00.000-08:00

im sorry that i havnt written in so long. there is so much that has been going on. most important: Christmas. im sure you have heard the true Christmas story a thousand times. just two weeks ago i heard it once more. then it hit me. as a child it seems like a fairy tale. two people in love named mary and joseph who travel on the back of a donkey to a new town and then baby Jesus is born in a stable. now you see the truth behind the story. mary and joseph werent married so it was strange that mary was pregnet. she was put out...even by joseph. at first joseph didnt believe her but then the angel gabrial appeared to him too. it was a bad situation being born in a stable. it was very unclean.

each time i hear the story it seems more real, like it actually happened. its sort of like everything. you know it was real. you know that it really happened but it seems so much like a dream or a fairy tale but the more you think about it and hear it, it becomes more real.

now project beautiful.

you have heard me talk about the beautiful and amazing christa black. well she has created a wonderful idea that includes her fans. she wants to put out an album but she wants her fans to be involved. she wants us to help write songs and write our own. she also wants a couple of girls to sing on the album. i dont plan on singing because ive heard better singing voices, but i do plan to submit a song. im pretty sure you all will support this, but my only question is: what song should i submit to the email? i have about four songs already written out formally on paper but there are a couple more songs that i have finished in the time between.

so if you want to help pick out a song just ask. i would also much enjoy to write a song with someone! that would be absolutly amazing! if you would be intrested in that please tell me. if you want to get involved in project beautiful by yourself here is the link to christa's blog where you can read more about project beautiful. http://christablack.blogspot.com/2009/12/project-beauty.html

thank you so much!
love you
ashley
"its twisted messed up and the more i think about it its crazy but so what i may never understand it im caught up but im hanging on i wanna love you even if its wrong. even if its twisted"
Twisted~Carrie Underwood

if you want to email me about project beautiful or songwriting email me at tigergirl71396@gmail.com thank you so so much!!

Love (continued)

2009-11-23T13:23:00.000-08:00

love is a touchy subject but it is something i can always come back to. it conforts me and is something i know and can always write about. love is joy and happiness but it is also sadness. i had multiple love tweets last night. one was "love has a ratio. 2:1 for every 2 things of good there is 1 of sadness" i think this is true no matter who you are or what your experience is. when you are in love you are overjoyed but there is always sadness. the sadness is when the one you are in love with doesnt love you back or doesnt pay any attention to you. but dont think that just because you like someone and you are happy and sad at the same time doesnt mean you are in love with them. love is stronger then just a crush.

another tweet was "Love=2 hearts. You cant have love unless there is another heart there."
i once made a heart out of construction paper and crafty siccors. the heart was cut out of red heart but on each side of the heart there was stripes of a different color. the right was yellow and the left was blue. at the time it didnt mean too much to me. i thought about it last night though. the red represents love. a true real love. on each side of 'love' there is a color. the color represents one persons heart. on each side of the 'love' there is a heart. the two 'hearts' make up the 'love'. you cant have love without two hearts. if you fold the heart in half you only have one color or heart.

love is the same for everyone because it has the same meaning, not the same feeling. love is love and there is nothing more to explain. but the thing is that it is way more complicated then that discription. a more accurate description is on http://insidemymind-ashleymichele.blogspot.com/2009/09/friendship-and-love.html
no one can really explain it because it is a feeling. you cant describe a feeling. simply put.

i think i will go now....i got to cheer at a basketball game so i will get ready.
love you forever
ashley
"i never thought that id be easy cuz were both so distant now and the walls are closing in on us and were wondering how no one has a solid answer but just a walking in the dark and you can see the look on my face it just tears me apart"
Down To Earth~Justin Bieber
p.s. someday i will tell you the justin bieber story. it is quite amazing how i found out about him. goncrats to him for his cd! it is really good :)

Perfection

2009-11-09T19:46:00.000-08:00

this one is for my mom (Michele Combs) and two of some of the most awsomeist girls in the whole universe... Jenna Rose and Emily Riggs... thanks for saving us from being soaked all the way through! :) <3 love youuns

no one is perfect. its as simple as that. everyone has flaws. someone or something can be close to perfect but never the real thing. the only perfect persons are God and Jesus. every rose has its thorns

everyone has something that they enjoy doing. (trust me this will all connect at the end). there are countless amount of things that are fun and enjoyable to me. one is going to concerts with my mom. we have a blast! singing songs along the way and perparing ourselves for what is about to come. it is a normal routine. this next week will be the 7th concert that we have gone to just this year. 3 Jonas Brothers, 2 Keith Urban, the one next week which is Maroon 5

and one Honor Society.

the Honor Society concert was AMAZING. hands down one of the best nights ever. it would have been the perfect night but everything has flaws. we had a great time going there. it was in st. louis so it was not majorly far away. first off we couldnt find the place. second

it was raining. we walked from the car to the line at the entrence and got soaking wet. we were soo thankful when two girls with an umbrella came up behind us. ("chilled at the beach from dawn to dusk under my umbrella"). we started talking and we hung out for the rest of the night. it was great. (why is it that every bad turns good with me??).

we got inside and got into the t-shirt line. i ended up getting an awsome black t-shirt. they gave me the shirt but then handed me a orange wrist band that said "meet & greet" on it. i was in shock! anyone who bought something over $15 at the merch table got an orange wrist band. my mom also went back to get a bag to hold our sobbing wet jackets (they took like a week to fully dry!) in. it said "See U In The Dark" on it which is one of their songs. we stood around for a couple of mins and then the opening act came on. her name was Esmee Denters. she was really good! ( http://www.youtube.com/user/esmeedenters?blend=1&ob=4 ).

she left...like literally left (but eventually came back). we waited around for a long time...or what seemed like a long time. people were actually taking pictures and screaming (in a good way) at the crew that was perparing the stage. finailly after what seemed like FOREVER they stepped out onto the stage. alexander noyes at the drums, jason rosen at keyboards, andrew lee at the far end, and michael bruno in the center. they started playing "Full Moon Crazy" and for the whole night we rocked out. esmee came out again while playing "My Own Way". they also played (without esmee) my favorite of theirs "Two Rebels".

mike gave an amazing short speech. he said to look around at the people that we were standing next to. that those are the people we were making memories with. and that someday down the road we will remember this day as the day we stood out in the rain for honor society. then they played "Don't Close The Book". the very last song was "See U In The Dark" and right before that i have my hand up (cuz im rocking out!!) and i feel something hit my hand. i look down and there is a guitar pick laying on the floor in front of me. they played almost all of the songs i wanted them to. then we had the meet and greet!

the people with the orange wrist bands got to go first. even though we got one we still had to wait forever. but that was okay because esmee was walking around taking pictures with people. i also got her autograph. she was really nice. while we were in the line i was able to examine my guitar pick. others had gotten black ones with names on them and the HS symbol. mine was purple and blank. but it was wore down on the edges, which meant that it had been used! i came to the conclusion that it had been used by mike because he was right in front of me.

we finally got to the front of the line. i peeked around jenna and emily who were in front of me and saw mike right there! he is sooo skinny!! jenna and mike had a conversation (along with andy) jenna "uh michael so you know i really love you" mike "oh we love you more" jenna "no" andy "nah you hang up first". you gotta love andy.

when it was my turn i shook mike's hand and he signed my bag. i had a conversation with andy(: iwas wearing my honor society medal at the time along with my other necklace
andy "i like your medal"
me "thanks!"
andy "what is that other necklace"
me *pushes hair out of way* "an angel" (they have a song called "Why Didn't I" and it says "I had an angel by my side why didnt i" but my necklace has nothing to do with thesong)
andy "ohh i like that!"
me "thank you!"
so yeah andy like my necklace :) jason didnt say anything to me but he is still awsome
alex (my fave) had a conversation with my mom. altogether it was a great night. and i got a tshirt a used guitar pick and a signed bag out of it. amazing

here are pics i found on the internet of each of them

mike: http://www.contactmusic.com/pics/lb/disney_kids_mix_170509/disney_2419176.jpg
jason: http://www.contactmusic.com/pics/lb/disney_kids_mix_170509/disney_2419184.jpg
andy: http://www.contactmusic.com/pics/lb/disney_kids_mix_170509/disney_2419186.jpg
alex <3 href="http://www.contactmusic.com/pics/lb/disney_kids_mix_170509/disney_2419182.jpg">http://www.contactmusic.com/pics/lb/disney_kids_mix_170509/disney_2419182.jpg

i didnt mean to get all the pics from the same place.... it just happened lol

love so very much
ashley
"we had our whole life scripted but we tossed them to the side those words cant tell us nothing common baby lets improvise do you trust me enough to become two rebels just like out laws on the run all we have is each other"
Two Rebels~ Honor Society

Friendship and Love

2009-09-22T17:12:00.000-07:00

friendship has always been important to me. sometimes its hard to see exactly who your true friends are. i love all of my friends but some of them get on my nerves... but there are people that are just like that. im like my mom in a way that there are people that i could spend so much time with, then there are those people (which is most everyone) that get on my nerves.

recently i have been going through a controversial time in my life... about a boy. my mom said that i would end up liking him. i denied it. i told her that there is no way in the world i will never have a crush on him... i was wrong. for a while i wasnt sure if i did like him or not. i even wrote a song about it. i am making sure that only close friends know about this crush of mine.

support is all i ask for. this has helped me realize exactly who my true friends are. its hard to know for sure until you go through a hard time.

the next subject...love
here is something that i wrote. its not a song. just a random writing. (this is what happens when i get inspired)

Love

Love. Its complicated. Yet it can be so simple.

Love. Its beautiful. Yet it can get really ugly.

Love. It brings people together. But still it can tear them apart.

Love. It doesn't need explaining because there is nothing to explain. It is what it is. Love makes you feel so great about yourself. Yet it can hurt so bad that you will sacrifice anything to make the horrible pain go away. Love makes you think. Think about who you are. Think about how you look. Think about what others think of you. Love makes you unique. It shows what you view in a person. Love terrifies lots but calms many. Love. It makes little things seem like the world. Love is serious. It is not to be taken lightly. Love is what brings minds, hearts, and souls together as one thing. It is what makes you like everyone else because everyone feels love at one point. Love is the best thing that will happen to you. Love is the worst thing that will happen to you. Love. It give you the courage to go up to someone and say "I love you." and mean it. It gives you the courage to live, laugh, and be happy. Love is to live for. Love is to die for. Love is amazing. Love is crazy. Love is who you are. Love is who you are not. Love shows us who we truly are. Love is unavoidable.

Love is worth it.

i believe that love cannot be explained in words very well because it is pure feeling. only someone who has experienced love can grasp exactly what it is. true love will have its ups and downs but only true love will survive all of them.

hope i made you think... thats my job ;)

love

ashley

(how bout instead of lyrics i give you an original song by me?)

Right Now I'd Say

you are so confusing, yet so simple

you have me lovin' you, then i just see you as a friend

my heart isn't breaking cuz my heart can't decide

Chorus: But right now id say no

right now id say no to your pretty blue eyes and your priceless smile

yeah, right now id say no

when im around you my hearts like butter

but when im away from you, you never cross my mind

i cant decide if i like you or not

Chorus: But right now id say no

right now id say no to your pretty blue eyes and your priceless smile

yeah, right now id say no

Bridge: They say you may like me

but i cant decide

oh mom i hate it when youre right

Chorus II: i just might say yes

i just might say yes to your pretty blue eyes and your priceless smile

oh ya, i might say yes

A Quick Fix

2009-09-15T19:53:00.000-07:00

song time

You Can't Fix My Heart This Time

I came home just like a regular day

Didn't let nobody see my heart slowly breaking

I hid my tears from the world so that no one could worry about me

and how much I love you

Chorus: You gave the one final blow and my heart snapped in two right in front of you

My friends saw it comming but only wanted me to be happy

I'm sorry you can't fix my heart this time

I didn't go in denial because i knew it was reality

Our love was no fantasy world

You threw away real love

And broke a real heart

Don't say your'e sorry cuz its too late now

Chorus: You gave the one final blow and my heart snapped in two right in front of you

My friends saw it comming but only wanted me to be happy

I'm sorry you can't fix my heart this time

Bridge: Everything was perfect

I don't see how you don't feel it anymore

I thank my big brother and sister for helping me

Even though i still loved you

Chorus: You gave the one final blow and my heart snapped in two right in front of you

My friends saw it comming but only wanted me to be happy

I'm sorry you cant fix my heart this time

mm its too late to save me now

too late to save my heart

questions? comments? i wrote this one last night but i thought it was good enough the way it was to put on here! :)

lovesss

ashley

"i just wanna show you she dont even know you shes never gonna love you like i want to and you just see right through me but if you only knew me we could be a beautiful mericle unbelievable instead im just invisible"

Invisible~Taylor Swift

Break-ups a 4 step process

2009-09-12T21:19:00.000-07:00

Lets face it... break-ups are hard. It doesn't matter which side you are on! We know that it has to happen... that most teenage relationships end in heartbreak.

But why? Most people believe it is because teenagers fall in love way to fast and easily. I agree with that but you must understand that the teenage years are used for growing and finding out exactly who you want to be! So during that peroid of time you fall in and out of love a lot. It may take 20 tries to find that one person who loves you and you will love for the rest of eternity. You also may not find that person within your teenage years.

Dating. DO NOT date someone just to date them. Someone asked me out and I said "no" because I didn't like him. We are still great friends. On the other hand I dated the guy that i had been crushing on for about a year. No one knew that i liked him for a while. Next time I will tell my mom first thing. For those of you who have a mom figure in your life, go to her for everything. She is supposed to be the one to love you and support you through everything you do. For guys: go to your father. He will be there too, just like a mom would. I dated the boy of my dreams for a while and every moment was like magic. I took a hold of every moment and cherished it like it was my last. That is what everyone who is in a relationship should do. After 3 months then came the worst part... the break-up.

Break-ups. If you are the one who is breaking up with someone, try to understand how they feel. That doesn't mean to not break with them, it just means make it easy for them. Don't try to make it easier on yourself, try to make it less painful for them. The guy I was dating broke up with me in a text message. It was easy for him. For me I could go back anytime and look at that message. It hurt and it still hurts. The best way to break-up with someone is to say it in person. If that doesn't work for you then do the next best thing, a phone call.

Getting over them. It has been over 3 months since my ex-boyfriend broke-up with me. I still am not over him. I still love him. I don't know if i want to be over him. So I'm not trying to get over him. The best way to get over someone is to just stop for a second and regroup your mind. Whenever you have a thought of that person, replace it with a thought of someone else. Don't try to think about that person. Once you know you are over them I would say to become friends with them. You don't need to be close friends, just nice casual friends.

For all of the people who have gotten their hearts broken, I feel your pain. I know what you are going through. Love is difficult until you find the one that you will love forever without a fear of heartbreak. Don't just give up on love, just take a break and enjoy life :)

love
ashley
"he'll never fall in love he swears as he runs his fingers through his hair im laughing cuz i hope his wrong"
I'd Lie ~ Taylor Swift
p.s. i wrote this for an article on myyearbook.com
that is why the grammer is correct :)

Inspiration

2009-09-10T19:17:00.000-07:00

its unbelievable how klutzy i am... today after lunch i was getting down off of the playground equiptment and guess what! i fell off and while i was falling i caught my leg on one of the bars... it is red bruised and scraped up... it hurts but im not here to complain.

inspireation is crazy. it just hits you. you cant make it come. like last night. i was writing in my book and i just thought of the ending. it just came to me. but it was the most amazingest feeling in the world. inspiration is all around you. you just have to look at it. what you are going through in your life could be inspiration. for some writing comes naturally but most have to work at it to make a great book. im glad that it comes naturally for me. im not saying my books are great im just saying that i can just pick a piece of paper up and just start writing... "my ideas flow so rapidly i have not time to express them". i have so many ideas in my head for books and such but i dont have time fer them all.

well im gonna stop fer the night
loves forever
ashley
"its like one step forward and two steps back no mater what i do youre always mad and i cant change your mind its like trying to turn around on a one way street i cant give you what you want and its killing me"
Not Meant To Be ~ Theory of A Deadman

A Song and Memories

2009-09-09T20:02:00.000-07:00

yes i said it. a song. here it is people. more to come of course. this one is edited and all-

One Moment

What is this that i feel inside?

I want you with me all the time

I need you by my side and i cant get enough of you

And then you take my hand

C: Its just that one moment when you feel you can do anything

Fall in love start again over and over it never stops

We're unstoppable now and have had no fights

There's only one thing i wanna say to you

Then you say 'i love you'

C: Its just that one moment when you feel you can do anything

Fall in love start again over and over it never stops

B: Now we're standin outside my door

And our song comes on the radio

Theres a look in your eyes that makes me think

Then you kiss me for the very first time

CII: Its just that one moment when you feel you can do anything

Fall in love start again over and over again

(repeat)

Mm its just that one moment when you fall in love

its nothing really. i havnt put it to music yet. i may attempt to do that this weekend. i do know the chorus. i have two other full songs that i am going to edit sometime soon. maybe even tonight :)

for me writing music is a lot like writing a book. i know it doesnt make any sense but writing books is more personal to me. this is because they are an idea that came out of me something that means so much to me. songs are me. it doesnt make sense because it is a feeling and you really cant explain feelings... simply because they are feelings. you have to feel it to understand it. that is why when you are going through something no one really understands what your going through. they can have an idea but you cant know exactly how they feel... unless your jasper (:

actually i dont even understand how i feel. that is why i write songs.

books are more me then songs are because it is a different feeling. writing books is my first love and that is what im gonna do. songs are just something fun to vent, to write down my feelings.

in alot of cases my books are based off of things that i have expirenced. like the idea i got last night. i was looking back through the past few years. i cried because sooo much happens in 3 years. the people who were there then are still here now but next year it may not be that way. so cherish where you are now! love who you are with right now because you may not get another chance to love them. next year high school will be upon me and everything will change. i promise i will write a book about my experience about the change. and i keep my promises. i am not going to look back on this year with regret because regret is horrible. i will be able to hold on to the sweet memories of this time but i will not regret anything. i love my class and for years to come i will look at my years with joy and happiness because we are family! we have fights but we all love each other, whether we like it or not.

*sigh*

i will touch up on memories again... trust me :)

love you with every last breath of my life

ashley

(that is ashley not ashely)

"i dont need no drama in my life youre not so special anyway in fact your getting much colder acting bipolar ruining my day i dont need no drama in my life i had enough of you all the things you put me through cuz your flaky your shaky need someone to save you youre full moon crazy"

Full Moon Crazy ~ Honor Society

Music

2009-09-06T18:24:00.000-07:00

music can be different for different people. for me music is security, love, friendship, and most importantly memories. to me music hold memories forever. im making a playlist that holds songs that hold memories in them. they are also songs that make me cry.
no surprise ~ daughtry
-idk had this song stuck in my head
not meant to be ~ theory of a deadman
-so true... not sure about my love at this second in time. my mind is so jumbled right now. and im starting to not care. maybe i wanna feel this way. maybe i like my heart wanting to know. but on the down side it hurts
halo ~ beyonce
-it makes me think of the graduation party. which makes me think of him. of course i stole his halo because he doesnt deserve it...stupid text message. doesnt he realize it? that i can go back anytime and look at that message? he doesnt need the halo though...
love story ~ taylor swift
-the first dance. i remember emily telling anna that we (me and him) looked cute together. that night was so magical it seemed almost dreamlike...
fall for you ~ secondhand serenade
-the last and best dance. i loved this song so much before. now i love it so much more than that. i remember him singing it to me. now it makes me cry...
gotta be somebody ~ nickleback
-self explanatory...
why dont you and i ~ santana and chad kroeger
-love this song. i wouldnt know about this song if it want for him. one more reason to love him. we had so much in common! why didnt it work out?? i wanted it to. i want it to now.
bellas lullaby ~ twilight
-he learned how to play it. yes he is just that good. another reason to love him...
over you ~ honor society
-i love them too! hehe
white horse ~ taylor swift
-well this one was like number 3 :) i remember gazing into your eyes...
see you in the dark ~ honor society
-DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THE HONOR ROLL????? <3
i got a feeling ~ black eyed peas
-idk again this song just makes me happy
where are you now ~ honor society
-to my first boyfriend who i thought was for sure the one where are you now?
love is on its way ~ jonas brothers
-2nd dance. the song that was playing in the theatre we passed on the way to our movie :)

there is so many on the playlist im listening to i cant even explain to you. for the complete list see ashley :)

love you
ashley
"he said the way my blue eyes shine put those georgia stars to shame that night i said thats a lie"
Tim McGraw ~ Taylor Swift

A Majority Of Things

2009-09-05T19:24:00.000-07:00

i feel as though i could cry. at first i was so mad, so angry, i wanted to hurt someone. now i just wanna sit in my room and sob all night. i thought it was the end. that i wouldnt have to worry about your pretty little face again. i was wrong. why? is what i ask. its been like 3 months since that day. why is it that everytime i see you my heart skips a beat? why is it that i wanna be around you more? you seem excited to be around me too. but is that the truth? i love you. but am i supposed to love you?
"honey ya its no suprise that i got lost in your brown eyes" Brown Eyes ~ Lady Gaga

to a friend-
you dont see the pain i feel, how much i worry about you, how much i love you. i dont hate you. i would never hate you. you say that i cause you pain. hun you cause me pain. i cant get through to you. i say these things because i care about you. im not gonna give up on you. even if with my last breath i finally rid you of the evils that overpower your brain. dont think that i want to cause you pain. i am here for you and to give you advice. if you dont take it, that is your loss. i try so hard to help you and all you do is hurt me. you dont mean to but you do. the tears im crying right now are because you just dont understand. no one does. i have all so much to say to the world and to you but no one will listen, because no one understands. no one EVER sees the pain im in. not just because of you, because of everything! i hide it soo well! someone asks if something is wrong i say 'no nothings wrong' when i wish they would push me until i actually tell them!
im sorry that i try.
"sometimes you think youll be fine by yourself cuz a dream is a wish you make all alone its easy to feel like you dont need help but its harder to walk on your own" Gift Of A Friend ~ Demi Lovato

i learned how to do the 'honor roll' im in love with it :) its quite funny. im still a beginner though so im not very good at it.
i have never felt a big connection to a celebrity before. i do now though. and its stronger then ever. hes perfect (obviously). yes, its nicholas jerry jonas. no one can fully understand how i feel about him. like seriously.

my goodness im glad its a long weekend!
im sweating like crazy... that never happens.
i have such a little appitite (sp?)
i blame it on him....
i love each and everyone of you
i need to tell him about my blogs
i have something to show you mommy... you will love it... i hope
i feel the need to write in my book
i have a lucky pencil that i write my books with
i carry one of my books to school with me
i need to pee
im still not hungry
im super thirsty
dasani water just saved my life
the windows are open the fan is on, its not hot where i am but im sweating like crazy
whats wrong with me?
im nervous for some reason.
football games make me nervous
i hate thunderstorms
im still not hungry
i just put an undershirt on instead of my t-shirt
i found a story to tell-
i went to a east peoria raiders football game last night with my friend stephanie (whom ya'll have heard about). my other friend turner showed up cuz she had softball and the fields are at the same place. i saw alex (chapman) at the game. my heart went wild. i thought i was over him...i guess not. so i didnt eat last night and i felt as though i could throw up... then cry. (this next part proves i have the best friends in the whole universe) me and turner were talking over myyearbook.com and she asked how i was feeling. i said 'okay' she said 'i was wondering because last night you said your stomach didnt feel good' that made me soo happy.
i have 3 best friends and they mean the world to me. i have other friends but those three are amazing.

okay okay okay im gonna stop now.
i love yous
ashley
"i just cant figure it out im not over you over you and i just wont leave it alone im not over you over you and you just wont pick up the phone im not over you over you"
Over You ~ Honor Society

Writers Block

2009-09-02T19:17:00.000-07:00

im crying. seriously. i love each and every comment that everyone leaves. i love you all for your support.

this blog is for you kelsey. mostly in response to your blog.

what you are experiencing is writers block. sometimes i will stare at one of these blank pages for minutes on end not knowing what exactly to write about. searching for inspiration in something. anything.

those are minor blocks.

a month ago i experience a HUGE block. i couldnt write, or even think about my book! i would sit there for hours staring at the page, thinking of some way to continue the book. everything, all my dreams, and hopes were crushed! i couldnt look or think or write in ANY of my books!!

it took time. thats all i can say. it surely didnt disappear right away. all good writers have writers block. try and find one that hasnt. not only book writers but poets and song writers as well. its not fun. just give it time. thats all the advice i can give at this point. the only cure to anything is time.

now off that topic

thank you all. for everything. i love reading your comments and when i have a new one i get a smile on my face. seriously all of you just make my day reading those.
your support has been more then i can imagine to begin to tell you. i love getting on here and writing. it gives me a place to put my thoughts in order. to keep myself organized. free up some space in this crazy writer's brain of mine. trust me its crazy...

off that topic.

i couldnt go without talking about this. i will expand more on it the next time i blog along with revealing what author wrote the quote ("i love you more than anyone has ever loved anyone." "correction. I love you more than that"). i will also reveal the book. also it is two characters talking.
okay love, just for starters and to get you thinking for next time
God is love. you cant have love if you dont have God. you cant give what you dont have :)

loves yous
ashleys
"just stop and smell the roses every once and a while. cuz somewhere down the road youll look back on this day and wished youd had the strength to fall in love."
how bout you guess?? ;p

Life

2009-08-31T18:40:00.000-07:00

i have stared at this page trying to find something to write about. this is what i have come up with:

life is hard. we all have our ups and down. life is a roller coaster. you work so hard to get yourself to the top but in the blink of an eye you are at the bottom again. i have plenty of friends who dont know who they are yet. i do know who i am. i dont mean where your from, your name, your interests, or your physical features. i mean what you were created to do. God created you for a purpose. soo many people give up. too many people just stop. dont. you are here for a reason! God has something wonderful in store for you! isnt that enough to live for!! i cant know for sure that i know what i am meant to do. im only 13! there may be something bigger and better that i am supposed to do! i do think that i am ment to tell people the truth. the truth about themselves, God, religion, and to give them advice. i think that is my purpose. i cant know that.

dont give up. just because you dont know why you were made to live on this earth doesnt mean you dont have a purpose.

God thought very hard about you. He thought about your eyes, you hair, your personality. He made you perfectly. He made you what He wanted you to be: a beautiful person who He loves.
let that sink in for a bit...

you may think that you have no purpose and you will never have any purpose. you are WRONG. i cant stress to you how special each and everyone of you are!! you ARE made for a special reason! and if you give up you wont be around to see that you were wrong. dont walk around with a frown on your face thinking your life cant get any better. smile! you were made by God!! for His special purpose! dont ever forget you have never been unloved by your Creator!

you may not be as popular
beautiful
smart
athletic
tall
short
as all of the other girls but you are beautiful to Him. and if someone says otherwise they are so very WRONG!! it makes me soo angry when someone tells someone else that they arnt beautiful or special. and it makes me sad when someone believes them. you are soooo special and i want you to know that!!! you are always loved by someone! the One who made you!!
one more thing i love you!! its true everyone has a loveable quality and i love all of you for it! think if God can love someone... why cant you????
we are NOT good enough to deserve eternal love from Him. but He loves us anyway. He loves us like His own children! and we are Children of God!! we just have to accept it!

well i need to get off...

love you so so so so much
ashleyy
"who am i that the eyes that see my sin would look on me with love and watch me rise again who am i that the voice that calmed the seas would call out through the rain and calm the storm in me"
Who Am I ~ Casting Crowns
(one of my most favorite songs ever)

A Simple Flame

2009-08-30T19:13:00.000-07:00

yes it sounds like a title to a book. but i will explain.

i have been thinking... and what i have come up with is that my blogs, stories, and thoughts all dont mean much at this point. but i believe that i have the power to make them something that does means much more then they do now. i am not above rejection. i know that. but i WILL do whatever it takes to get them out there for everyone to read.

it is like a simple flame. it starts out small. but with more support, more work, and more help it becomes a great blazing fire. soon it will die down again to just an ember. the 'twilight' books wont be around forever. they will be around for a while like all great books but that popularity will go away over time. again like all great books there will people that will pass them down and keep the flame alive. like my mom is having me read 'pride and prejudice'. i am sure when it first came out everyone was reading it. but it died down. it isnt going to be a trending topic on twitter like the 'twilight' books are now. but that doesnt mean that it isnt a great book.

it is like songs. it will be on the radio and everyone will listen to it and love it, but after a while it comes off the radio and not everyone hears that song all the time. that doesnt mean that it isnt a wonderful song. it just isnt as popular.

my writings are a simple flame. with the support of family and friends they will become a blazing flame. and then eventually they will die into a calm ember. the true fans will hang on until the end of the ride.

:) love
ashley
"these are the days we will remember these are the times that wont come again the highest of flames becomes and ember we gotta live it while we can"
These Are The Days ~ Keith Urban

My Yearbook

2009-08-27T19:42:00.000-07:00

many of you know about myyearbook.com but for those who dont... it is a website that allows you to play games. and just as long as you have an account the games that you play earn you "Lunch Money" i have like 40,000 lunch money right now. once you get that money you can donate it to a certain cause and that lunch money turns into real money. its pretty awsome. you have to have one. turner has one. so does joe jonas. so does my mom. nick gets on joes account. it is free to sign up and the games are addicting!

congrats to honor society whos first single came out today "Over You" and dont forget to pick up "Fashonably Late" in stores september 15!! 19 days ya'll!!! cant wait

sorry to leave you with nothing to comment about but it is time for me to quit doing a easy jigsaw puzzle on myyearbook and get ready to "go to sleep" hah

love ashley
"you lift my feet off the ground you spin me around you make me crazier, crazier"
Crazier ~ Taylor Swift

Listening

2009-08-25T20:11:00.000-07:00

no one really likes to listen to someone who they either dont like or they just dont wanna listen to. but listening is important to life. to listen you must understand. if you dont understand...ask. alot of instances i have encountered people who dont listen to me or take my advice... that is a very bad idea... those people wouldve been better off if they had listened to me. so take my advice and take my advice... :). so stubbornness, ignoring me, and just not listening will not be tolerated with most... i try to be patient but as the guy who sits next to me in class, Nick, knows very well i sometimes just wanna rip their head off. but thankfully i dont otherwise our class would be quite a bit smaller. word of advice... dont get on my bad side. and those people should know who they are... be careful.

i know that it isnt their fault that i get annoyed by them. it is really my fault. i happen to be more mature then all the crazy kids in my class. ive been told that i dont sound 13... i talk like i could be 20. well thats just me... if you dont like it then get away from me cuz this is what you are getting. thats just that. if you really listen to me then you will find yourself better off. i dont just say these things to see myself write of hear myself talk. i say these things for a reason... because i think that it is best. even if you go against it in the end at least you tried! plus you only have one life and you only have one 8th grade year and you only have one high school senior year! so do everything and dont regret it! so kelsey go to that band meeting! that doesnt mean you HAVE to do band. it just means you considered it... which i hope you do! this is your last year at Robein! this is your only 8th grade year so make the most of it! JUST TRUST ME! I KNOW WHAT IM SAYING!! YOU HEARD ME GIRL... JUST LISTEN!!

im getting flustered... lemme take a break
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actually the truth is i just wanted to do that! :) once i sat by a guy in the computer lab and his name was brock. he made a cool Christmas tree thinggy on his screen on a word document. i almost forgot the t in 'document'
so when do they stop giving spelling tests?? cuz we are having spelling tests still!! i fail at spelling...well not as bad as jordan... he got a -15 on a spelling test once. mine was a fail his was an epic fail.
thats enough randomness for one night young'uns
lovezz
ashley
ps kelsey decide to go to the band meeting or i will haunt you in your dreams tonight. or whenever you read this lol
"your so hyptnoizing youve got me laughing while i sing youve got me smiling in my sleep and i can see this unraveling you love is where im falling but please dont catch me"
Catch Me ~ Demi Lovato
pps nicholas jonas... those are the lyrics. you sang it wrong in the facebook chat :)

Regret and Forgiveness

2009-08-24T19:18:00.000-07:00

i have talked about regret before but i feel as though i need to expand on it more. regret is horrible. it is something that lives over your head for either until you forget about it or the most simplist thing to do... forgive yourself. forgiveness is amazing! you have been forgiven of soo much!! so if something is bothering you about your past... forgive yourself! you will feel so much better! everyone has regrets so dont say that you dont. you can tell when someone is regreting something. there just seems to be a vibe of self hatrid in the air. and that is what regret is! self hatrid! so if you regret something it is saying that you hate yourself enough to NOT forgive yourself!! its just as easy as that! just simply forgive and forget! and if someone is regreting something they did to you... forgive them. it makes them feel more confident with them forgiving not only themselves but others as well.

forgiveness is letting someone know that you care enough about them for them to be happy. even if they dont want forgiveness... forgive them for that too! it is just that simple. you dont even have to tell them that you have forgiven them. God said to forgive 77 x 7 times. that doesnt mean to keep a tally up to 539 then the next time they do wrong say 'oop your time is up!' that is not what that means. it means to keep forgiving and forgiving and forgiving and forgiving! over and over again! wouldnt you want to be forgivin everytime you did something wrong?? so follow the golden rule and treat others the way you want to be treated... forgive them!

well i think thats all for now...
loves a lots
ashley
ps i just read about forgiveness last night :)
"but for the grace of God go i must have been born a lucky guy heaven only knows how ive been blessed with the gift of your love and i look around and all i see is your happiness embraced in me oh Lord id be lost but for the grace of God"
But For The Grace Of God ~ Keith Urban

Blindness

2009-08-23T19:42:00.000-07:00

followers- i am so amused right now! i just got a new follower! thanks so much alex! and for those of you who know of my past its alexandra depp.

okay so now on to the painful part blindness...
alot of people when someone says blind you think of the disability to not be able to see. which is the most common form of blindness. the other is stupidity blindness.

most of the people who will read this will know the story already. but here it is again. to reflect on...

so i had been going out with my crush for almost three months! so exciting! until one wednesday didnt go the way i planed. he was purposely avoiding me. or so i thought. i went to bed with worry. horrible worry. but at the same time i thought 'it is nothing you worry too much. it will all be better tomorrow'. well it didnt. i want to thank God i was in the bowling group i was in! they were all so supportive of me and what i was going through.

then that 21st of may at 3:06 pm i get a text message that is a breakup message. yes he broke with me in a text message.

it hurt. he didnt seem to realize that everything he did made my heart break. i tried to hide it. from him from my friends from the world. i didnt want anyone to feel bad for me. i didnt want them to feel pain. if i could take all the pain away from everyone and put it on myself, i would. so i didnt want anyone to know i was hurting because i didnt want them to hurt to.

that is another form of blindness- doing something without knowing how much you are hurting them. everytime he didnt come over and talk to me, it hurt. he didnt know! he was blind to my pain! i only wish now that he could have seen the pain that he couldnt feel! that he didnt know about! for a while there was a hole in my heart where his love used to be! and he had no clue. he was blind to my pain. to my friends pain for me. he sure made more enemies then friends that night. all of my friends were so supportive and turned against him. sure i didnt want that for him but it didnt matter to them. he hurt me and they would never forgive him for that.

steph- thanks for always being there kelsey- *sigh* you and steph have always been the girls to talk to! mitch- you are seriously like an older brother to me
mom- you are the most amazing mom in the world. i know alot of people just say that but i dont. i mean it. you support me and love me even when i make the wrong choice. not everyones perfect including me. but you love me for who i am even though i have imperfections. one of them is spelling :) (m-w.com is my best friend)

lets see here i have a saying for everyone one. from your one and only *drum roll* ASHLEY COMBS!!! *applause* (sorry if i spelled that wrong too) here it is
to say 'i love you' to someone is one thing but meaning it is another.

love you love you love you
ashley
"its like walking on snow without leavin a trace and all that youve said never carried no weight i came out untouched and in another place when you gonna get it im so unaffected"
Walking On Snow- Jordin Sparks

Decisions, decisions

2009-08-22T20:29:00.000-07:00

decisions are about some of the most hardest thing to deal with. like right now! i was sitting up in my room for like 10 mins trying to figure out which ring to wear. see the ring that i was wearing lost one of the beads that was on it. like i have absolutly know idea where it is. but i found one other one that i love. only i wear it on my ring finger. the other one i used to wear i wear on my pinky finger. at this givin time i am wearing both. ugh any advise!! i could wear both. like one on one hand one on the other.

i will talk about decisions now. one statement of advise is to never regret your desision. regret is one of the most horrible things in the whole universe. to regret something is to regret fate. if you did it, it was ment to happen. 'do you want the red or the blue shirt?' 'should i go to the dance with him or not?' whatever decision you make it is the right one because you are following your heart.

thats all for now. i am tired and need to sleep.
nite nite
love
ashley
"ive been bruised and ive been broken cant believe i put up with all this pain"
Everything You're Not ~ Demi Lovato

Crushes

2009-08-21T18:08:00.000-07:00

i just simply love christa black. you simply must read her blogs. http://christablack.blogspot.com she is one of the most beautiful girls inside and out.

now... crushes...
everyone has them. sometimes they are good. sometimes they are bad. i have had my share of both. like christa said in her wedding blog, dont settle for anything. just because the boy you like, or even love, doesnt like you back, dont just settle for the one that asks you out. sure if it someone who you think you may like then go for it. but if you dont then well dont! dont give into the peer presure of everyone else having a boyfriend/girlfriend. you dont have to have to go out with someone to be happy. if thats the case then you HAVE to get yourselve some really good friends. friends that love you and will help you get through what your going through. one problem.
you cant get over them on your own
you have to ask God to help
have Him bless you and help you through what you are feeling
when i liked a guy i would write about it. that is how my book "Sunsets" started. it is a historical fiction/ romance novel. i havnt finished it. the guy that was described in the book was not the guy that i liked. but i imagined a world that excisted that i didnt feel pain... or at least lilly felt didnt. scince i couldnt have a romance of my own i would let someone else have one. during that time, i thought of soo many books that were romance. all because i didnt have any romance in my life.

so all you girls who dont have a romance like me, go! write! what you dont have may inspire you! it did for me. see i let my mind run wild. i let my imagination get the best of me and i started to write something that, that i loved! i honestly fell in love with it because i couldnt experience it!

yes i got a chance with the boy that i liked but it didnt last long. that is another story altogether though. actually it was 3 months from today that he broke up with me. i will talk about that another time.

hah im watching "Twilight" right now.
i love you all
ashley
"i aint settlin for just getting by. ive had enough so so. for the rest of my life. tired of shooting too low so raise the bar high just enough aint enough this time. i aint settlin for anything less then everything."
Settlin ~ Sugarland

Web Chats and Friends

2009-08-20T18:58:00.000-07:00

lets just say web chats rule! not even kidding. of course it all depends on who is doing the web chats. the best web chats i have ever watched were honor society and jonas brothers. selena gomez demi lovato and lady antebellum were good but not as good as hs and jb. they make you laugh and are fun to watch. they goof off and sing to you. they are fantastic!!

now on to our next subject... friends. a true friend is like an angel that is there to protect you and laugh with you and cry with you and is there to support you in every decision you make. i dont know what i would do without my friends. i have friends everywhere to fit my different moods and feelings and decisions. some friends wouldnt understand some things that i need advice on. others would. there is always one or two friends that will be there for everything. i am blessed enough that i have a friend that has been there from the beginning. we went to pre-k together and we will walk in the graduation ceremony together. i love her like a older sister. she is beautiful inside and out. she is a true angel. we are already making plans for when we are out of college. seems like a long time. they say friends grow apart in high school. but i know that we wont let that happen to us. we are so much alike and so different at the same time. when i think of best friends i think of selena gomez and demi lovato. they have been best friends since they were like 7 when they were on barney together. me and my best friends relationship is alot like theirs. only i have known her since pre-k.

like everyone else we have our similarities and differences. we both like the same music. we both made the cheerleading team in 6th grade. we both play volleyball. one difference we have is that i hate rain and she loves it. i know her like i know myself and i always have. we tell each other everything. i can talk to her about anything and everything.

well tomorrow is friday! yay!!
love you forever & always
ashley
"i see you walk across my room in nothing but the moonlight now i love to see you in the dark, see you in the dark."
see you in the dark~honor society
p.s.
dear kelsey- the reason i put lyrics at the end of my blog is simply because i love music. -love ashley :)

Honor Sociey and Wrigley

2009-08-19T19:10:00.000-07:00

right now i am listening to Honor Society (and waiting on ice cream :]). me and mom went to a Jonas Brothers concert back in January. it was in Nashville and i got the tickets for Christmas. AMAZING present :). it took 7 hours to get down to Nashville. it was so worth it!! the ticket said "Jonas Brothers and friends" we asked around and no one had any idea what the 'and friends' meant. it turned out that that meant a bunch of country stars coming out and singing with them. one of which was Honor Society. we werent sure about them at first. then on July 10th we went to another one in Chicago. we missed seeing Honor Society. finally we went again on July 8th. we didnt miss them that time. we were soo impressed with them. each and everyone of them are amazing gentlemen. we were most impressed with Alexander Noyes. a couple of days ago we found out that alex was the first drummer for the Jonas Brothers!

now for wrigley. he is my golden retriever who shares a birthday with joe jonas. its mixed up. well wrigley is a bit messed up himself. today he wouldnt eat his food. we thought he had an upset stomach. so after i ate lunch i hand fed him some of his food. i also gave him some of my food. later on after they ate their regular time we tried to feed him again. he wouldnt eat. i again hand fed him but he just kept spitting it out! so i gave him some of kama's food (kama is our other dog). he ate that just fine!! earlier we found a sore tooth in kama's mouth. so we started feeding her soft food. this morning she ate wrigley's hard food for him. our dogs are messed up...

love love love fearlessly
ashley
"cuz i dont know how it gets better then this you take my hand and drag me headfirst fearless."
Fearless- Taylor Swift

Writing

2009-08-18T19:13:00.000-07:00

well its back to school tomorrow. 8th grade. which means getting up early... not too happy about that. this year i hope to be more serious about my writing.

when i write it isnt just something that takes up time. it is something i take seriously. i started dedicating more of my time to writing about two years ago in 6th grade. since then i have matured and expanded my writing skills. but one thing still remains the same: i write what i want people to feel. i write from the heart and the soul. i try to make the people reading feel what the chariters are feeling. yes i write for fun but it is a way i can express my self as well.

when i go to bed i think of what could happen. i look at life like it is a story. i look at things differently. im always thinking of how i can make something into a story.

i recently finished reading the "Twilight" series. they were excelent. they also inspired me. they changed my way of writing. each book i read improves my writing in some way. i have heard that you are only good as your own experiences. that means that everything i write i had to have been influenced in some way by a past book or experience. when i write i feel what my charicters are feeling. when i have a great idea i write it in my head. i have story upon story already written in my head. i just have to get it down on paper.

yesterday me my m0m and my brother, ryan went to the store to get something. i ended up getting a composition book. i didnt really look at it until last night. i sat on my bed and stared at the cover. then i opened to the first page of lined paper. i stared at that. then ran my hand against it and flipped through some of the other pages. i got a feeling inside that i could use every page in that book to write my own stories, my own feelings, my own ideas! it was amazing.

well i gotta get to bed. school...
love always
ashley
"the black keys never looked so beautiful and a perfect rainbow never seemed so dull. and the lights out never had this bright a glow. the black keys are showing me a world i never knew"
Black Keys- Jonas Brothers

joe jonas webchat and fame

2009-08-17T20:14:00.000-07:00

well well well we meet again. currently i am chatting (sort of) on Joseph Jonas' webchat. Earlier he suprised us when only about 5 of us were on and he just popped up! someone was asking each others ages and he said "Im 20". following that was a bunch of gasps and screams and hearts racing! through the chat i made some new friends. i dont think he knows it but when only 5 people are still talking he has brought people together! made a whole new world! a world where people meet and become friends! if i ever sell books and become as famous as him i hope i can have the same influence on people as him.

"fame is a fickle friend..." (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets) a lot of people want to be famous and have fans and all of that. it would be nice but then again you wouldnt have a normal life. you couldnt just go to the gas station to get a bottle of water (which i do often) without getting overrun with fans. there are pro's and con's to everything. you get a puppy pro- you get to have a furry face to wake up to in the morning con- you gotta clean up the poop in the yard. its just life! but i think that being famous has more pro's then con's. when you are famous you know that you are living a life that so many dream of!!

getting into the spotlight is hard. so many try and fail but then they give up. many people just give up once they get rejection. they dont try to correct themselves enough that they will get acepted. im writing a book. im going into this knowing that i may get rejected. it will hurt. but i have to keep going. i cant just put so much effort into something then just give up. my family (especially my mom and dad) are huge supporters of what i am doing. when i write it is a feeling inside of me and when i write it comes straight from the heart and soul. im going to humbly go into this but i will know that i have got a shot. i will give it my all and probably fail the first few times but im not going to give up. i may not have the same attitude once i get rejected but i will have my family and friends there to support me and help me keep going.

once you are in the spotlight it isnt as difficult. you still have to work because you could easily slip into yesterdays news. your 15 seconds could be up. and also once you are the center of attention you must set a good example for others.

*sigh* i think thats it for tonight. thank you Joseph for a great chat. and im supposed to say something about my best friend Stephanie. i promised. Stephanie and me have been best friends since Pre-K. she is like an older sister! and i love her like one too! so thanks Steph for always being there!

love forever
ashley
"she hates the sun cuz it proves shes not alone and the world doesnt revolve around her soul. she love the sky cuz it validates her pride never lets her know when she is wrong."
Black Keys- Jonas Brothers
ps thanks to Lexiedepp from the Joe chat for picking out the lyrics:)

starting out, christa, and music

2009-08-16T15:24:00.000-07:00

over the past few weeks i have been reading christa black's blogs (christablack.blogspot.com) and got inspired to start my own blogs. i think that christa is amazing. she gives such good advice and is very good about reminding you that you are always loved.

my mom came up with the name "A Glimpse Inside My Mind" but i think that it fits. a lot of the things that im thinking i dont usually say. mostly because there is so much that goes on inside my mind that i cant possibly say it all. so i have decided to speak it all in an organized fashion. when i get sparks of brilliance i usually write it down somewhere. my notebooks are filled with some sort of writing that i have done. i love getting praise about it. it makes me feel good. im tearing up right now just thinking about it.

one of the many things i love about music is that it can help you express yourself. there is always a few songs (or like 30) that i am constantly listening to. if you give me control of the MP3 player i am always turning to those songs. one is "gotta be somebody" by nickleback. another is "fly with me" by the jonas brothers. there is just something about some of those songs that make me feel full inside. sort of like the feeling that you are in love. ya in love with a song.

i can play the clarinet and i love doing it. it is my way of expressing my love for music. i would love to be able to play the piano or guitar but there is just something about the clarinet that makes me just want to keep playing it. most people stop doing band because of lack of interest but the interest doesnt go away for me. i love when its band day, even though it takes away from my study hall time i still love it. and i hate when its time to stop. band is just something that i love to do. dont get me wrong i love playing volleyball and doing cheerleading but there is just something special about band. the funny thing is is that i have only touched my clarinet once this whole summer.

over a few years i have been to 3 Jonas Brothers concerts and 6, yes 6 Keith Urban concerts. Oh and Sugarland as well (only one). in the 6 ku concerts Sugarland, Taylor Swift, The Wreakers, and Gary Allan have all opened up for him. love love loved them all. Sugarland, because i just love them! Taylor Swift, cause shes Taylor Swift and i got a guitar pick from one of her backup singers who also plays the fiddle. Gary Allan was great and along with The Wreckers. at the Sugarland concert Little Big Town and Jake Owen opened up for them. i love Little Big Town they always sound beautiful and just in general are amazing. right now i have "I'm With The Band" stuck in my head. Jake Owen was amazing. it was the Sugarland concert that me and mom discovered him. at the first jb concert no one opened but it was and friends and a ton of people came onstage. including Brad Paisley!!!!!!! at the other two which were apart of the tour that they are on right now Honor Society, Jordin Sparks, and The Wonder Girls all opened up for them. me and mom were sooo impressed with Honor Society. they are just plain awsome. they have a cd that comes out in september so we are defiantly getting it.

now for the Jonas Brothers... *sigh* they are so amazing. not just in concert but they are so good to their fans. they are an inspiration and great boys. Kevin, Joseph, and Nicholas *smiles and giggles*. yes yes yes nick is my favorite. he is most talented and (in my opinion) the best looking. one of my moms most favorite things is when he plays the drums. my personal favorite is when he plays the piano.

well i think that is all for now...

love love love ashley
"while your sittin round thinkin bout what you cant change and worrying about all the wrong things, times flying by moving so fast you better make it count cause you cant get it back..."
So Small- Carrie Underwood